a conspiracy of cartographers

I am about 40% done with my bigbang that is due tomorrow, oh goddd, and this is made somewhat more difficult by the fact that this afternoon I was trying to talk it out with Rigby and she said, "You know what would be amazing? Ray/Ray fic where Fraser dies and is haunting them." So of course I want to write that instead, but ... it is very upsetting and not proper F/K/V, so instead I am writing Ray/Ray where Fraser is in Canada and eventually they go and work out their issues. In the 6,000 words that I doubt I can write tonight, because despite guzzling echinacea tea this morning I have a little sniffly cold. Also I somehow hyperextended my elbow, so typing has been ... fun.

Never mind all that, though! You know what happened today? MERLIN. ( 2x01, That Thing With the Curse and the Raven and Stuff. )

There is no way I'm getting the s2 AU even remotely close to done by this Sunday. But I don't in fact want to drop out of the polybigbang, because -- a bigbang! And F/K/V!

...I can totally write 10,000 unrelated-to-the-s2-AU words of F/K/V by this Sunday, right?

This entry brought to you by "I hate my brain and I should probably read about the British Empire instead of wallowing in the fantastic meta I found yesterday."

The latest in SurveyFail: Ogi Ogas' journal is either flocked or baleeted. I'm now kind of sad I didn't stay up all night reading frantically through all the threads, because they were for the most part extremely intelligent and articulate and a lot of the things that make me really love fandom. Despite the threads' vanishment, though, I am in an extremely good mood, both because of fandom at large's awesome right now and because, how surprising, writing sex apparently puts me in a good mood. (And does not make me feel crushingly guilty! Yes, under the happiness for fandom I may still be seething a little about some of those survey questions.) Which brings me to my second point!

I have, as feverbeats coined it, a Your Kink Is Okay Meme, with commentporn requests. I haven't done all of them; still to be filled out are the requests Nacio/Oliver Wolf, keys, belonging or, alternately, Thom/Roger; Fraser/Kowalski, handcuffs; Albus/Gellert, crossdressing; Fraser/Kowalski, climbing equipment; sexswapped Blackcest, presumably with whichever Black family members you'd like; Theta/Simm!Master; and Sirius/dom!Remus, collar, orgasm denial, and if everyone does not head over and do that one I will be, um, a sad puppy, because I have heretofore undiscovered depths of glee for that prompt. I list these both as an IOU note to self and also because, if anyone else fancies any of these, this does not have to just be a See Aria Write Porny Things party. Feel free to write some yourself! Also feel free to go back and add more, although I can't promise to fill any out promptly; I'm coming down the summer vacation home stretch and am beginning to have some real-life social engagements (and packing!) to attend to.

This said, since it is also a See Aria Write Porny Things party, here are the prompts I actually filled:

Fraser/Rodney, handcuffs & Sheppard/Kowalski, puddlejumper sex -- these of course take place in the same universe, which is a universe that just yesterday I had decided I should not touch with a ten-foot pole, because now I have an awkward crossover OT4 on my hands and I am absolutely going to have to write more of this universe at some later point.

Remus/Sirius, crossdressing -- because obviously the world needs more Sirius Black in a skirt and eyeliner! Or, as kinglets rather more articulately put it: busting gender paradigms is hot important hot AND important. \o/

Martha/Rose, bondage, a bomb -- which is also almost certainly part of a larger story, that fic I mentioned ages ago name of The Care and Feeding of Your Atomic Bomb, which is Martha/Rose in Pete's World with bonus human!Ten, and I am kind of motivated to write it again. Although at some later point.

And finally, because it is neither silly comment-ficcy nor Part Of Something Larger, something I like well enough on its own to have actually posted it at the fic journal: high on a stage be placed to the view -- Geoffrey/Darren and a line-through of R&G Are Dead whilst they're at university, because I suspect at this point that the Slings & Arrows fandom has only one singular bit of fanon, and that fanon is "Geoffrey and Darren, R&G Are Dead, university" and who am I to argue with that? My god, I want to write Darren ALL THE TIME.

Instead, because I am on a roll, I'm going to run off and write some more of the monster F/K/V which does, in fact, have a looming deadline.

I just made the accidental discovery that I actually have the first two seasons of Stargate Atlantis on DVD. (I did buy s1! And s2 was given by a friend! But it was ages ago and went right out of my head.)

My point here is that I have about a billionty due South fics to write and I'm about to return to school and run out of time to do anything non-academic, but: Canadians! some guy with a gun and emotional inarticulation and funny hair! wacky hijinks! IN SPACE! Despite the fact that the show was generally rubbish unless it was about Rodney being trapped underwater or dealing with his sister or nearly ascending or communing with whales or, y'know, all those other things Rodney does, and despite the fact that I used SGA fic as a gateway into dS fandom and that doing it in reverse would probably be a trainwreck of me never sleeping again from fic overload, I am ... deeply tempted.

I need to just write more of the stuff I'm already working on and not give myself any extra fannish stuff. Otherwise Fraser and RayK will end up in Atlantis (is it just an American military presence? if so, Fraser is civilian crew and does diplomatic missions in a Teyla-esque capacity and wears a red shirt akin to Elizabeth's) and then my brain would explode. Meanwhile Ronon and Dief become friends. I MEAN NO ARGH.

Possibly I will just panic and watch Hard Core Logo again only this time I know I will cry at the end. I want to write the massive s2 AU. I want to write the massive s2 AU.

I um guys I have a fic! This fic is basically oneechan19's fault for mentioning that there should be (more?) human!Leoben and Cylon!Kara fic in the world. I am pretty sure that if I was going to do this idea justice I would probably have to rewatch all of BSG and then write some sort of terrifying sprawling epic, but since I am not doing it justice, I ... wrote 2000 words of the inside of Leoben's head instead. I am pretty sure "But in this universe he doesn't kill people or inspire Stockholm Syndrome or anything!" is not a valid reason for having a big crush on human!Leoben, because a. I still wrote him and 2. he's still nuts, but I think we may have scientific proof that I just really enjoy writing CKR-character-POV. And no, he still doesn't get his own damn tag.

All That We Are, for my final Cliche Bingo square, 'androids and robots.' He wakes and stares into the dark and thinks that even if he understands the patterns he doesn't have to like them.

*

Also, as I said, I have a completed line-not-through-the-middle on my Bingo Card! Lo, a rundown:

Several Ways to Apologize: Harry Potter, Remus/Sirius, woke up in bed together

as disastrous as to lose: Harry Potter, Remus/Tonks, doppelgangers, clones, and evil doubles

Name It: due South, Fraser/Kowalski, sensory deprivation

All That We Are: Battlestar Galactica, Leoben & Kara, androids and robots

Forty-Five Years: due South, Fraser/Kowalski, character study

Which is all a bit awesome, because Cliche Bingo has, variously, made me write my first Harry Potter fic in years, made me write my first unapologetic PWP, and allowed me to indulge in this strange obsession with writing CKR characters. Not that I would not do this last anyway, but I actually had some actual fic-output this summer because of it. \o/

Callum mini-interview! He's all fidgety and hides behind his hand and doesn't want to be called a sex symbol and deflects questions about whether playing fucked-up people fucks him up and then he becomes slightly less nervous when he gets to MAKE FUN OF PAUL GROSS'S HAIR. I I can't even.

But I am not giving him his own tag.

Also: I am writing Remus/Tonks fic, although it is for the doppelgangers, clones, and evil doubles square on my Cliche Bingo card, so ... when I say Remus/Tonks fic I don't think I actually mean fic that any real Remus/Tonks shipper would like? And I am wondering if there is any Harry Potter fic place from which I can link "emotionally damaged people making bad decisions and not really being in love" fic when it is finished. Help? Mocking of my ability to actually focus on one thing at a time also accepted.

A conversation with schiarire, re: my Why Due South Is Important To Me post:

Ji: I think everyone should do posts like that about EVERYTHING.
Me: Oh god do not encourage me! I COULD DO MORE.
Me: what should I do another one about!
Ji: hmmm, either Hard Core Logo or Young Wizards!
Ji: or their bastard children the Hard Core Wizards
Me: your addendum made me CACKLE LIKE A FIEND in the quiet house at midnight.
Ji: I encourage cackling!
Ji: The thing to wonder now is what on earth Hard Core Wizards would be.
Ji: Dairine is a Hard Core Wizard and YOU KNOW IT

There was more after that, but none of it actually deserves mentioning because s;lfsdkfd Dairine is a Hard Core Wizard. Also I think I would genuinely like to make posts about Why Hard Core Logo & Young Wizards Are (separately!) Important To Me, although the YW post would be long and involved and have confessions about how I still take the Oath sometimes and then sit around hopefully, and the HCL post could probably just be the words "DYSFUNCTIONAL BOYFRIENDS <333" in size billion font or something.

Apparently there is a meme going around wherein one goes to Translation Party and puts in the first lines of their last few fics until the translator reaches equilibrium or gives up. Since I suspect that if I started it would eat up my afternoon, I just, ah, typed in one sentence from memory to see what it would come up with. Lo:

In Canada, the remains attached to the consulate on the trail of the murderer of my father in Chicago, first, whether, at this point must be considered as no reason to contact me.

Don't contact him about those remains attached to the consulate, okay?! That was only about the ... third permutation down. It dissolved into things like In Canada, my father in Chicago, whether by way of murder, the first is attached to the consulate, at this point, why should not I contact, which, indeed, why should he not contact his father in Chicago? And then it got pretty incoherent. It will apparently never reach equilibrium, but isn't that just the story of Fraser's life.

I am also becoming sliiiightly panicked about the F/K/V AU. I am almost done with Part I out of six; it is roughly 15,000 words right now, which when reasonably multiplied comes out to 90,000, which is a figure very much like the one I came up with earlier. This implies it might actually be an accurate figure, which kind of terrifies me, because it means I have to basically do a NaNo and a half in the next month and change. I know I can do that, but in the days of yore when I wrote Doctor Who seasons in two weeks, I was doing nothing else. Whereas right now I'm returning to college in just over a week. I know that only the draft is due in mid-September, and that I have another month to actually get it done, but it is still mildly nervewracking. On the other hand: I work well under deadline?

Anyway, hey, have a bit from Juliet is Bleeding, because what I have so far I've been prodding nervously through rewrites and I am by now kind of fond of it. ( I'm a neutral zone. )

Arriving safely home, I decided it was high time to finish mainlining Flashpoint. What I love about it is that I finally get the appeal of all those ridiculously popular rote procedural shows that I never watch -- the closest I've ever come to getting it is Bones, because I am fond everyone on that show in much the same way; even that, though, I watch in a kind of vague with-friends when-I-have-time way -- but wow, I love this one. I love it in the way where I want there to be more episodes! right now! I love it in the way where I am overinvested in Ed and Greg's buckets of angst and Spike and Lew's hilarious bromance and everything Wordy and Jules do ever. (And I imagine that playing Canadian Actor Bingo makes it more fun too.) In conclusion I am confused that something with so many guns and tense situations is apparently my new comfort telly, but y'know what? I finished the last episode with my hands pressed to my mouth in sheer joy and I haven't stopped grinning yet, so I am really, really not complaining.

Anyway, having now seen all of it, I think I want:

1. Jules/Donna fic. No, really. They're onscreen together for about five seconds total in order to awkwardly shake hands, but I desperately want long plotty shipfic. I want fic where Jules spends her downtime in her newly-painted apartment, staring at the walls and feeling antsy and vaguely guilty about Sam, and eventually she goes out and runs into Donna at some café/bar where they get to talking. They talk about Team 1 and about being women in the SRU, and eventually they start talking about Donna's time undercover and about what they like to do for fun (do we know what they like to do for fun? I think we only really know anything about Wordy's personal life) and they become friends. And neither of them really expect it, but eventually they figure out that when they're hanging out, now at each other's apartments or out on the town, they're basically dating. They really like one another, so rather than freaking out they talk it through like reasonable adults. (I figure this is a universe where Jules is comfortably bi and Donna is an awesome lesbian who is maybe occasionally bi re: undercover.) They decide to stay together, because their relationship isn't interfering with their professional lives since they're on different teams, only of course then the plot kicks in when both Team 1 and Team 3 are called in for the same hot call, and there is lots of ~dramatic tension~ and possibly also Sam in the background being TOTALLY BEWILDERED, Jules, what is this shit?? And I don't know what happens after that, but obviously I don't want this recced to me, I want to write it.

2. Ed/Greg fic. I actually feel mad guilty about this one, mostly because Ed's wife Sophia is made of pure 100% grade-A awesome. But I do not want handwavey fic, I want fic where Ed does not listen to Greg's warnings about continuing on as he is, and eventually Sophia gently files for divorce and takes their son and moves to a different city, because she understands but she's tired of waiting and she doesn't think it's fair to any of them. Ed takes it all extremely reasonably, and is, y'know, totally fine, and keeps doing his job, and Greg hovers worriedly in the background trying to anticipate the meltdown without actually assuming it'll happen. Because Ed's there to pick all of them up, but who's there for Ed, right? Of course in this case the answer is "Greg" but he is not aware of it yet. And, um, *handwaves* then there is plot and they have sex. I don't know! If this fic already exists I want it recced, but if it doesn't I might damn well write it too. Because, unsurprisingly, I am so there for however-many pages of emotional inarticulation and Team and cops in love. /o\

3. Spike/Lew fic! I confess that I mostly want Spike/Lew fic to sort of combat my other two desires, because Happy Fic is sometimes necessary. Obviously Spike and Lew go out and pretend to chase tail and have a grand old time, and then they go back to their place (they can share a place, right? I totally assume that they share a place, see: that one episode where everyone was calling their families to say they'd be working late, and Spike and Lew called each other because they're dooorks and also living together, obviously) and have enthusiastic nerdsex. This fic probably has, like, ice cream and puppies, and also the two of them going in early to the gym and having lots of hilarious banter with Wordy, because I kind of suspect that hilarious banter with Wordy is my favourite thing about Flashpoint. This one I absolutely don't need to write, but since I'm under the vague impression that fandom has lots of Spike/Lew fic, I think I should be fine.

4. SOME MONSTER EPIC WITH ALL OF THESE THINGS. It could be called "How Ed and Jules Took A Leaf From Spike and Lew's Book, & Learned How to Stop Worrying and Love Their Teammates, Nudge Nudge Wink Wink, PS Wordy is Awesome and No One Likes Sam." It would be the BEST FIC EVER.

Sorry, guys, I'm punchy from travel. Recs? Recs not specific to the things I listed but which will still get me to the places with good Flashpoint fic? Any takers for reading that fic I want to write? You've never heard of Flashpoint and have no idea what I'm talking about? Perhaps I should shut up and finish the F/K/V before the polybigbang deadline looms? Let's hear it. :D

Useless thought-on-the-bus du jour: Canadian Torchwood would be hilarious. No, no, listen: Paul Gross is Jack, and Callum Keith Rennie is Ianto, and Hugh Dillon is Owen, and Molly Parker is Gwen, and Sandra Oh is Tosh. I realize that Sandra Oh as Tosh makes zero cultural sense, but they would make up for it by letting her kick alien ass now and then rather than just programming stuff. I am suddenly a lot more excited about the Owen-is-a-zombie arc, and meanwhile CKR is wondering why he has scenes with a CGI pteradactyl, and Paul Gross is busy smarming around in a coat. Oh, and Don McKellar plays Rhys.

I am at work, so I should actually work instead of thinking about this stuff, and I have no idea if anyone else has enough Who-universe/C6D crossover fannishness to actually find this funny, but it's my last day at work and therefore I have some kind of imparative to be briefly silly and useless.

Because of the Five Things meme that is going around, I've seen lots of people post answers to "five favourite canon ships" and I had a sudden brainwave: miraculously, I have a new system that helps me separate my OTPs with those other things I like to ship. That system is: I assume my OTPs are actually canon. I'm not sure this is a hard-and-fast rule, and it might also make me slightly nuts, because most of my OTPs are not actually canon, but I think it's a cool shorthand.

And because I am a little compulsive and like mapping out my fannish whatevers, here is my ship list, with OTPs and those other things I ship. Please adjust your tinhats before takeoff.

( I have more OTPs than I thought, actually: fifteen under the cut, plus a couple of extra ships. )

So does this identifying-your-OTPs method also work for you? Are any of my 'canon' ships so astonishingly laughably not-canon that you don't know quite what to do with them? What are your OTPs? These questions intrigue me!