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comment party: because fic is the way I like to talk about stuff
Okay, you know what? SurveyFail is boggling me so massively that I think it is high time I did something about it. The thing is, though, that plenty of intelligent people who are much more qualified to talk about both the scientific and the sociological aspects than I am are already all over this, so I am entirely in favour but I don't have anything meaningfully original to contribute to the many ongoing threaded discussions.
But there is something I am qualified to do, as a member of fandom and as someone who is queer and female and really, really fucking tired of all the heteronormative and gender-essentialist and generally ignorant things that the survey-makers are saying (this is probably one of my favourite threads, and by favourite I mean I read slash is kind of the female equivalent of the straight male interest in transsexuals and my brain considered going into total meltdown). I am qualified to feel as normal and un-guilty about my sexuality as I damn well please, and because a lot of the time it collides with my fannishness anyway, I declare this a comment fic request post.
But this one is specifically for porny prompts. Let's resurrect the sexual trivia meme! Throw one of your kink bingo squares at me! Tell me to tie Fraser up again! (Why yes, I am being specific about that one. Although I'll tie someone else up if that's your bag.) Anything goes, though I do reserve the right to say "what, hah, no, I'm not going to write this thing, but if you want to, totally go for it." Let's hear it. :D
But there is something I am qualified to do, as a member of fandom and as someone who is queer and female and really, really fucking tired of all the heteronormative and gender-essentialist and generally ignorant things that the survey-makers are saying (this is probably one of my favourite threads, and by favourite I mean I read slash is kind of the female equivalent of the straight male interest in transsexuals and my brain considered going into total meltdown). I am qualified to feel as normal and un-guilty about my sexuality as I damn well please, and because a lot of the time it collides with my fannishness anyway, I declare this a comment fic request post.
But this one is specifically for porny prompts. Let's resurrect the sexual trivia meme! Throw one of your kink bingo squares at me! Tell me to tie Fraser up again! (Why yes, I am being specific about that one. Although I'll tie someone else up if that's your bag.) Anything goes, though I do reserve the right to say "what, hah, no, I'm not going to write this thing, but if you want to, totally go for it." Let's hear it. :D
Sirius/Remus, crossdressing
Sirius cornered Lily Evans on her way back up from breakfast one weekend morning. "Lily," he said, "I, er, I need your help with something."
Lily looked a bit surprised at this, but she was always looking a bit surprised these days, like she was walking around in perpetual astonishment because one James Potter had actually shaped up, stopped being a wanker (mostly), and started dating her. He didn't even snog her in the common room much, which Sirius knew for a fact was something James had been wanting to do for at least three years. In any case, she wasn't quite used to the idea that Sirius could also be not a wanker when he made the effort, and ... well, this might not actually help her think her boyfriend's mates were sane. Still, nothing ventured ... "I, I was wondering," Sirius said, "if you might -- that is -- I like your makeup. And I was thinking. As a lark, you know. If I could."
To his puzzlement, Lily stopped looking surprised and started looking intrigued. "All right," she said. "Is there anyone in your dorm?"
Remus and Peter were in the library. James was at Quidditch practice. "Just me," Sirius said.
"All right." Lily gave him a speculative look. "Meet me up there."
Sirius did. Five minutes had him sitting very still on his bed while Lily carefully applied something in a smoky glittery colour to his eyelids with a little spongy thing. It felt funny, but Sirius held still, and mumbled, "Don't you have spells for this?"
"Yes," Lily agreed, moving on to a -- pencil? Sirius flinched back, and Lily's mouth curved wryly. "All right," she said, "hold still," and, in a not very reassuring switch, pointed her wand at his eyes instead, and muttered something. Immediately the feel of a strange weight around his eyes became more pronounced, although just ... weird, not bad. "But," Lily added, pulling out a couple small tubes that were tipped in various shades of pink and red, and frowning at them, "I learned from my mum, and it just looks better done the Muggle way. Ah." She chose a particularly dark and vivid red, leaned forward, and, whoa, put it carefully all over his lips. Sirius thought vaguely that James might kill him if he saw, more if he knew what this felt like. "There," Lily said in apparent satisfaction. She considered. "Skirt?"
Now Sirius blushed, although it might have also had to do with the fact that he was really, freakishly aware of his lips now, and it was ... distracting. "Er," he said. "Yeah. I mean. I thought it'd be too small. A skirt. Yours. Anyone's, really."
"I just gave it a temporary engorgement charm," Lily said matter-of-factly, and from her makeup bag she pulled a skirt and a blouse, although luckily no bra. Sirius would have had no idea what to do with a bra. Lily eyed him thoughtfully. "Have fun. Just return them when you're finished."
Finished with what? Sirius didn't ask, mostly because he didn't want to know what Lily knew. "James is going to kill me," he opted for saying aloud instead.
"Probably," Lily agreed cheerfully, and abandoned him to his fate.
Sirius took off his clothes, carefully not smudging the makeup, and pulled Lily's on. It didn't feel that different from wearing robes, really. He went up to the mirror and stared at himself, and could still feel the stickiness of his lipstick. "Huh," he said. He stared a bit longer. Then he found the Invisibility Cloak in the bottom of James' trunk, threw it on, and snuck down to the library.
He found Remus sitting at a table with parchment and quill, entirely alone. Sirius didn't bother wondering where Peter had got off to; he just whispered, "Oy, Moony! Nearest washroom, now. I've got something to show you."
"Sirius," Remus said, but rather than actually arguing it, he put his quill aside, got up, and followed Sirius's invisible footsteps to the washroom down the corridor. Sirius shut and locked the door behind them, and Remus sighed, crossing his arms over his chest and looking disapproving in Sirius' approximate direction. Sirius tugged the Invisibility Cloak off, and Remus' expression slowly changed from disapproval to ... hell yeah, interest. "Oh," Remus said.
"What do you think?" Sirius asked, which was about as far as he got before Remus crashed into him against the door, kissing him so that the lipstick smeared, tugging open Lily's blouse in a way that made it unlikely to ever be salvageable, nearly trying to climb Sirius in an effort to get closer.
Sirius dizzily made a mental note to try this again sometime. Soon.
Oh, and to thank Lily. Somehow. Maybe he'd get her a new blouse.
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"Probably," Lily agreed cheerfully, and abandoned him to his fate.
I got this far without giggling, but after that point, all bets were off. XD I love Sirius being all gruff and awkward about it, it's very endearing. ♥ ALSO you are awesome.
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Re: Sirius/Remus, crossdressing
asdfkasld;ka um. I'll be, uh. Yeah. Um.
APPARENTLY CROSS-DRESSING IS AWESOME! And Sirius doing it is incredibly believable.