a conspiracy of cartographers

WHITE COLLAR. I finished watching it at least ten minutes ago and my heart is still racing a little.

( Spoilers have been innocently locked in the closet the entire time. )

In the meantime, you know what? I always want to write fic and then the half-season cliffhanger throws me off because before writing day-to-day fic I'd first have to take care of whatever major plot point the show has just thrown at us, but screw that. I like this one a lot; I think I can work with it. White Collar fic maybe coming right up.

My week:

+ write fic about Ginny and Harry dealing with Tom Riddle's Horcruxes
+ write fic about Darcy and Loki bringing about Ragnarok
+ watch V for Vendetta and cry through basically the entire second half

I am pretty sure that the moral of this story is that I desperately need to do something that has nothing to do with awesome ladies and the supervillains who love them. This is kind of absurd.

i. Got a Pottermore account last night! From the tragically limited selection of usernames it offered me, I'm StormScarlet127, which should be extremely easy to remember; I can't decide whether it sounds like I'm a particularly metal Gryffindor supporter or an Ororo/Wanda shipper.

ii. Naturally this vid exists: arefadedaway has made an Erik/Charles vid to Rolling in the Deep, and if you have Erik/Charles feelings, you should RUN NOT WALK to see it; it is pretty much exactly the vid I have been craving. It has footage from all four films, and it made me clutch my face a lot (which -- "I clutched my face" is basically my go-to shorthand for "it gave me ALL THE FEELINGS," but that's because things that give me feelings make me literally clutch my face) and I love it so much.

iii. Things I have discovered whilst writing Ragnarok: it's slightly absurd that Hel isn't a Marvel supervillainess. Seriously, she's perfect. (And she's also kind of Mazikeen, which does not make her any less perfect.) This week seems to be stories about awesome ladies and the supervillains who love them.

So ... of all the things to bang out the day after finishing my Harry Potter reread, I wasn't really expecting this. I am fairly sure it should be subtitled "A Vindication of Ginny Weasley," or perhaps "Reasons to Ship Harry/Ginny, Haters to the Left," or perhaps even "In Other News, Aria Is Still Easy For Evil Overlords."

In any case, it is a remix of feverbeats' Tom Riddle Is a Stupid Vampire. My version is a bit longer -- because, as usual, I can't really write short things, but hell yes this one came in under 4000 words -- and it is:

Tom Riddle Will Take Your Soul (The Waking Dreams Remix), Tom/Ginny, Harry/Ginny. Pour your heart out to a Horcrux, and it will pour itself out to you.

Having now slogged my way through Order of the Phoenix, I suspect it will be smoother sailing from here on out; I am remembering all my urgent angry feelings about the handling of magical creature rights (and Kreacher specifically) and Remus/Tonks and the entire Marauders generation and the Slytherins, oh god, so many dropped balls, plus probably additional issues I'm forgetting, but even so! There is excellence to come! Like ... lots of Dumbledore. And. Yep.

I know that I've read OotP twice prior to this attempt, because I read it when it came out and I read it in prep for Deathly Hallows, but fuck it's difficult. This is not a book I would ever reread for fun -- although, thankfully, it's easier to read when one isn't fifteen. When I was fifteen I was so ANGRY with Harry for being so STUPID AND ANGRY ALL THE TIME, GOD, and now I am much more sympathetic; also, Harry and Cho's Valentine's Day date is actually kind of hilarious now, rather than squirmingly uncomfortable. It's still too long by half, but I find the politics pretty delightful, and as usual I fell in love with Sirius all over again.

There is no way that the post-Department of Mysteries chapters are actually more difficult now; I distinctly remember, the first time through, thinking numbly that Harry's raging grief in Dumbledore's office didn't begin to cover what he should be feeling. This time through it actually seemed a stunningly accurate description of what I'd been feeling after Sirius died, so that was lovely if also stupidly difficult; and this time through of course I was also reading with an eye to what a completely magnificent bastard Dumbledore is. He didn't tell Harry about the prophecy because he cared too much about Harry! He lost sight of the greater good! There's nothing for it, Albus, you'd better off yourself so you can't get cold feet at the last moment and stop Harry from sacrificing himself! #ALL THE DUMBLEDORE FEELINGS

And I was teary-eyed from there to the end of the book. It's funny, because going back through my Harry Potter tag, I discover that I spent the summer of 2009 writing a couple of shortish fics and concluding, with palpable relief, that I'd see the last few films but I was well shot of my old obsession, and good riddance. Dear self two years ago, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I don't know why either, but I've been hit hard with the nostalgia bat and I'm going with it.

...I have also been reading so many words straight of Rowling's style that I can feel my inner monologue going slightly Rowling-ish. Please stop me before I start saying things adverbly.

Oh, and happy birthday, Harry.

LJ still isn't working for me. LJ, I am so glad I have basically quit you.

In my Harry Potter reread, I am most of the way through Prisoner of Azkaban! I am procrastinating by posting because I'm at the beginning of The Dementor's Kiss, and -- yeah, deep down inside, I am fairly sure that it will never stop being Sirius Black Feelings O'Clock. (Sirius still holds the dubious honor of being the only fictional character whose death made me sob uncontrollably for ten minutes straight.) Another of the ways in which I am procrastinating is by repeatedly going to a page that has you list the top 200 names in Harry Potter in eighteen minutes; it takes me about eight to get to roundabouts 100 names, and then I can coax out another 10 to 20, and then I sit there stumped. I am quite good at most of the students, teachers, Order members, and Death Eaters, but I always forget ghosts and creatures and Founders and backstory folk. I have a stupid goal to get at least 150, but really I should probably just do better things with my life.

I also, help, am doing my reread in that way where I can hear my brain taking fic notes. It is almost exactly ten years since I got into online fandom and fic writing via Harry Potter, though, so instead of resisting I will allow myself whatever revival period I apparently need. Yes, brain, you can write Marauders-era Lily/James/Remus/Sirius, and post-war Harry/Ron/Hermione, and some Ginny fic, and post-war Harry/Draco, and maybe an AU where Sirius gets a happy ending and BLACKS, BLACKS EVERYWHERE, and -- no, help, I feel fifteen again, except this time instead of having a niche I want EVERYTHING.

Never mind, I'm off to have lunch and brave some dementors.

I saw Captain America last night! I also saw hilarious previews for some bewildering version of Three Musketeers where Orlando Bloom is evil, everything is steampunk, and D'Artagnan has an American accent, and for the new Spiderman, which has a weirdly Twilight aesthetic. But never mind that, Cap was more interesting.

( Spoilers! This is a weird patchwork reaction post made of IM conversations, paragraphing, getting sidetracked by Thor shoutouts, my general feelings of AWW STEVE, and a drinking game. )

And then there was the AVENGERS TRAILER. I ... didn't actually realize how excited I was about this (or maybe how Loki-deprived, idk) until the trailer started playing, and I started shaking. Seriously, I was sitting there in the theatre VIBRATING WITH JOY and slowly chewing through my lip so I didn't start making obnoxious or obscene noises. I don't really have anything spoilery to say, I'm just really fucking excited. WHEN IS MAY 2012.

In conclusion, though, know what I would absolutely watch? A film in which Sif decides, screw this boys' club, I'm going to Midgard and being useful, and when she gets there she runs into Natasha, and they train together and teach each other tricks, and Sif can't quite get a read on Natasha but is pretty delighted regardless. Meanwhile, Pepper notices this and uses her CEO powers to get them a nice place to do all this, and coordinates the effort to intercept intelligence about where their skills might be useful. Jane can be there for SCIENCE, of, y'know, the handwavey Marvel variety, and Darcy does all their tech stuff. Also, Peggy was frozen or something, handwaaave, and now she's around to do the intel when Pepper's too busy with her million other responsibilities, and when Pepper's free, Peggy goes on missions with Sif and Natasha. They can still fight Loki, I guess; maybe in this universe Loki is Doom's evil girlfriend, and they're the big bads, although if we're going outside the Marvel Studios' properties with Doom, I move that Emma and Mystique are also around, either fighting or causing crime. THAT IS THE FILM I WANT TO SEE.

I'm still pretty excited about Avengers, though.

So while presumably a large fraction of everyone else are off at midnight showings of Deathly Hallows, I ... have spent all day rewatching the first seven films. (Haha, "the first seven," I started far too late in the day and when I'm finished with Goblet of Fire I am SLEEPING. And then waking up at 4:30 to do the last three because I am just that mad.)

Fuck, I have SO MANY FEELINGS.

I haven't been properly in Harry Potter fandom since I was, I don't know, fifteen? It's been ages, anyway. And in some ways I had a weirdly narrow fandom experience; I read a bit of everything, but in my heart I was a Marauders girl, so I missed out on a bewilderingly large array of things that the fic about Harry's generation had to offer. My feelings, though, are still about nearly everything. I can recite pretty much all the iconic lines from the books that made it into the films. I can remember all the gaps and implications that got lost in translation. I care about all the characters, all of them, and I care about this -- this crazy thing that shaped my life at a formative age, and introduced me to fandom, and allowed me to find a safe space when discovering my queerness, and basically all the things that people have to say about Harry Potter fandom because they are true.

On a rewatch, here are the things that have stayed the same: I still bewilderingly love Dan Radcliffe's Harry. I am still sad about the various reductions of Ron, and my inner child, who desperately wanted to be Hermione, is sure that that isn't my Hermione. I want gobs more backstory, and I hate those shrunken head things, but the Time-Turner sequence is perfection. Oh my gosh Dumbledore is a dick, and it is delightful. Hermione's Yule Ball dress is the wrong damn color. I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS ABOUT NEVILLE, ALL THE TIME, NEVILLE BE MY BOYFRIEND. The less massive investment I have in the books, the more I love the movies, so Order of the Phoenix through Deathly Hallows are pretty damn great.

And here are the things that are different: every time Snape is on screen, I am basically flailing like a crazy person, because SNAAAPE. Emma Watson's Hermione is a totally valid iteration of Hermione, and I am very fond of her. Branagh's Lockhart makes me laugh like mad. I want Malfoys on my screen at all times. Having dealt with the fact that the Azkaban film is never going to be the stupid perfection that is the book, I am now free to see Remus and Sirius as a perfectly good Remus and Sirius, and let my heart break again. Cedric Diggory's tendency to hang around in trees is screamingly funny now, oh Cedric. The Harry/Draco bits are amazing. I am actually genuinely no longer bothered by the excess of Harry/Hermione moments, because I am miles past shipwars, and all the Harry/Ron/Hermione, yes please. (Goooo to the Yule Ball together, Harry and Ron! Shut up shut up.) Actually, screw it, I ship EVERYTHING now. No one is surprised. It is delightful, seriously.

I guess when the fervency of investment is covered with the fuzzy blanket of nostalgia, and then I engage with the films the way I engage with my current fandoms, everything is great. I kept tearing up during these movies. I think that when I see Deathly Hallows tomorrow, I'll need to bring tissues.

Back home! Mildly exhausted, and living in that weird place where I want to organize my thoughts and talk about important, interesting things, but everything is coming out a jumble because I want to do everything all at once. Right now I expect that all I am up to is going through my billion accumulated tabs -- I am so delighted with Firefox's new tab grouping feature, seriously, it is the first 'improvement' in ages that is actually an improvement -- and reading a backlog of fic. I'm being utterly rubbish about replying to comments right now, but I think I can live with that.

I have a laughably huge pile of books to read, about half of them borrowed from Olivia. Seriously, the stack may fall over at any moment. I am also very tempted to rewatch all the Harry Potter films before going to see Deathly Hallows 2 in a few days; I would be tempted to reread the books, except ... no. Not in two days. I would drown in FEELINGS.

Oof, my brain really is a jumble. I suspect this post isn't actually as disjointed as it feels to me, but even so. Um, besides FEELINGS I also have a ridiculous mental list of WIPs? To make this post less scattered I will make the mental list an actual list, mostly for my own reference. ( Six fics in four fandoms. )

Fangirl vacation: excellent so far! Saturday evening I had dinner with polarisnorth, everysecondtuesday, the_wanlorn, oliviacirce, and reflectedeve; there was much sharing of fannish history and yelling about Kink Bingo in public spaces. I really, really love having dinner with fangirls.

Yesterday I wandered about with anekdot, and also had brunch with littledust and her roommate J. Somehow over the course of brunch, which was rife with X-Men talk, we invented the drink version of the Pieta on the Beach. It is made like so:

Pieta on the Beach
White rum (to represent Cuba)
Muddled strawberries (to represent Charles -- littledust says it is to represent his blood, but mostly it is because he has an adorable blush)
Champagne float (to represent, according to J, the happy times gone by, drifting away in a sea of bubbles)
Simple syrup (to represent ... something in this drink besides alcohol)
Edible ball bearing (to represent THE BULLET)
Ground-up edible ball bearings (to rim the glass)

Drink until you can't feel your legs.

ANYWAY I AM HAVING A BRILLIANT WEEK.