sex and death

[aria]

I occasionally do the srs biznes version of talking about my WIPs, but this way has been making the rounds again, and is much more fun.


Burning Down the House

Fraser: Having returned from my vacation in Canada, I find that my good friend Ray has been replaced by a strangely-compelling imposter.
Vecchio: Actually, Benny, it's still me.
Fraser: Kowalski, did you say your name was?
Vecchio: Um.
Fraser: Listen, the best way for me to deal with the problem of our mutual attraction is for me to completely reinvent you. It's as good an explanation for the deranged absurdity of the latter seasons as any.
Fraser Sr.: I think you might be a few cards short of a deck, son.
Fraser: Don't help, Dad.
Me: If I ever actually get this story to work, it's going to be really damn depressing.


The Care and Feeding of Your Atomic Bomb

Martha: So the Rift has picked me up and deposited me in an alternate world where my whole family was killed by the Cybermen and the only people I know are a knockoff of the mad alien I fancied and that girl he would never shut up about. At least Torchwood still has employee benefits in this universe.
Rose: The knockoff of the mad alien we both fancied is driving me a bit nuts. Want to save the world together?
Martha: Yeah, all right.
Me: Does this have a plot?
Rose: Who cares? It's already awesome.


Evil!Ten and his pet Master that I am writing so Amelia will bake me cookies

Ten: At the end of Waters of Mars I went off the deep end! No sense in turning back now. What would break the laws of Time some more and also make me happy?
Master: Me?
Ten: Yes! Brilliant. I'll just bring you back.
Master: I'm back! What now?
Ten: Now I will keep you safely confined. If you misbehave, I have an emergency protocol that shuts you down.
Master: That's surprisingly clever and forward-thinking of you.
Ten: Also, I was thinking that after tea we could benevolently fuck with civilizations in ways they were never meant to be altered.
Master: Yes, that -- what?
Ten: Don't worry, it probably won't destroy the universe.
Master: What.
Ten: Also? Sex now.
Master: I think you're stealing my lines.
Me: Hey, um, is there anything in this story but sex and death?
Ten and the Master: No.
Me: Shouldn't it have ... I don't know, redeeming features?
Ten and the Master: Sex and death.


Look On My Works, Ye Mighty, and Despair

Joe: So what's the deal with you guys?
Methos: Mac is kind of pissed off that ever since Bordeaux we've been able to feel it when the other one of us takes someone's Quickening. I may have forgotten to mention it.
Duncan: That, and you start learning awkward things about a guy after you've taken a couple of his ex-boyfriends' heads.
Some evil Immortal: Hi! I once killed Methos' student.
Methos: Allow me to kill you.
Duncan: METHOS STOP DOING THAT.
Amanda: I think Interpol is after me! There may have been, um, a thing in Cairo.
Duncan: AMANDA STOP DOING THAT.
Some not-evil Immortal: Hi! I'd like that thing from Cairo back. Also, I knew Methos right after he was done with the Horsemen.
Duncan: So how'd that go for you?
Methos: Sometimes I wish you cared a hell of a lot less.
Kronos: Allow me to turn up for the flashback sequence.
Me: Flashback sequence? It looks like you want a whole fifth of this goddamn fic! What could possibly --?
Kronos: Sex and death.
Me: Oh. Right.


Neutral Zone

Kowalski: So I know these kids Sid and Andy? They're in the foster system and I check in on them occasionally.
Fraser: What a coincidence! My current case involves them. Might you see your way to helping my partner and I solve it?
Vecchio: Hey, new guy, fuck off.
Kowalski: You fuck off.
Fraser: Oh dear.
Kowalski: Actually, Vecchio, I need your help with a few things.
Vecchio: To my horror, the feeling is mutual.
Welsh: Hey, since Gardino died, do you want his job, Kowalski?
Fraser: This could be the start of a beautiful friendship!
Kowalski: This is such a bad idea.
Me: Um, how much of the show are we going to cover in this AU?
Kowalski: I was thinking to about halfway through s4.
Me: *cries*


No Second Coming

Barney: Jane, do you ever get the feeling that something important happened when we were children and we can't remember it anymore?
Jane: Oddly enough, I do. Hang on, let me ask the Greenwitch.
Greenwitch: Have some cryptic-yet-helpful dreams!
Simon: I don't know what you two are on about. I'll just get married, shall I?
Will: Bran, are you coming to Simon's wedding?
Bran: Yes, but first give me a moment to have a few important epiphanies.
Will: Such as ...?
Bran: Turns out I really hate the Light sometimes, like, for instance, when they take my memories. Also, I think we should sleep together. So, Simon's wedding?
Simon's fiancée, Elaine: Don't mind me, I'll just sit here weaving a tapestry and making not-very-oblique references to The Lady of Shalott.
Me: So ... I think there's supposed to be a plot now. Or something.


untitled Alexa fic

Adam: I'm adorable and you should run away with me.
Alexa: You are adorable, but I'm dying and this is a spectacularly bad plan.
Adam: But I already bought plane tickets!
Alexa: Oh, all right. Let's do the Grand Canyon, Route 66, New York City, and a circuit of the Mediterranean.
Adam: Sounds wonderful! Mind if I tell you all about my mythological research into this entirely hypothetical guy named Methos?
Alexa: We're not just dealing with my issues with dying here, are we.
Adam: Probably not.
Alexa: That's cool. I still love you.
Me: Could you guys ... maybe be funny?
Adam: Not in my repertoire. I'll try for awesome.
Me: Okay, I can work with that.


untitled ridiculous fusion fic

Fraser: I first came to Chicago on the trail of the killers of my teacher. Turns out Gerard beheaded him.
Vecchio: Um, what?
Fraser: Just go with it. Let's solve crime.
Victoria: Hello! I turn up every twenty years or so to destroy all the mortals in Ben's life.
Vecchio: Um, what?
Thatcher: Hello, I'm Fraser's new Watcher. I suggest you get out of his life while you still can, Vecchio.
Kowalski: So can I be his new cop partner?
Fraser: Well, yes, now that you've been shot in the chest and woken up again, you are rather my responsibility.
Kowalski: Cool. I like the pyrotechnics.
Welsh: So am I a Watcher in this universe or what?
Me: I don't know. I don't even know.

Comments

[rivendellrose]

Oooo. I can't wait to read Look On My Works, Ye Mighty, and Despair and the untitled Alexa fic. I have a not-so-secret love of good Methos fic, and the bit with Amanda and Interpol and the Thing in Cairo sounds absolutely delightful. ♥

[aria]

*flail* The Alexa fic is behaving, but the other one just keeps growing. It has A-plots and B-plots and maybe C-plots and five parts, and I'm starting to worry that it's going to have a 50,000 word minimum or something awful like that. But apparently I just want to write lots of Methos fic. XD

[sophia-sol.livejournal.com]

I actually giggled with glee while reading through these. THEY ARE ALL MADE OF AWESOME. I do not even know which one I want to read the most! (hint: the answer is ALL OF THEM. Er. Except for the one for which I couldn't even tell you what fandom it's from because...I couldn't even tell you what fandom it's from.)

[labellementeuse]

I am all ;.; just looking at the Burning Down the House summary. But then Neutral Zone perks me up! (Also PLEASE PLEASE write the DIR one!)

[aria]

Well, the Methos fic is the one I am actively working on! But it is going to be SO LONG. And it keeps misbehaving. (Nearly 20 pages of it aren't misbehaving, though! This is very exciting.)

Is the one you don't recognize 'No Second Coming'? That's the Dark is Rising Sequence, which are five awesome YA books that have an ending that desperately needs fixing. :D

[aria]

Who knows if Burning Down the House will ever really be written; it's hard structurally and emotionally, AND YET, I still want to write it. Neutral Zone will damn well get written, though! (I am on part two now, but apparently it wants to be Vecchio's POV, and, eep. I have never written Vecchio's POV!)

The DiR one was originally a Yuletide stocking stuffer I didn't finish in time. From 2008. IT WILL GET DONE.

[sophia-sol.livejournal.com]

THAT IS VERY EXCITING. Super-long Methos fic from you! \o/ Good luck corralling the rest of the pages into shape!

Yeah, that's the one. And if it's The Dark Is Rising, then...well, that's one of those things that has for a long time been on my list of Should Someday Read Because I Keep Hearing About It. Presumably someday I'll get around to it?

[skipthedemon]

There are all wonderful but Ten and the Master doing sex and death made me clutch at my face in anticipatory glee.

[graycardinal]

An observation that may or may not help with respect to locating a plot in "No Second Coming": it seemed clear to me at the time that Cooper's The Boggart (and, by extension, its sequel) must take place in the Dark is Rising continuity some time after the ending of Silver on the Tree. Which offers at least a minimal framework for the existence of other magical leftovers in that setting....

[aria]

Ooh, I like that thought! I do, technically, have a plot for the DiR fic already, but if/when I get around to rereading the Boggart books, I'll be thinking of that. :D

[aria]

I have achieved face-clutching! My work here is done. (Well, no, my work here is not done, because I still need to write the fic. Even so. :D)

[gehayi]

I really REALLY want to read Methos fic. ALL the Methos fic. And about Evil Ten and his pet Master, because that is the quintessence of awesome!

[bakatulip]

I LOVE THAT FIRST ONE SO HARD.

[feverbeats]

If you misbehave, I have an emergency protocol that shuts you down.
SORRY, TOO BUSY BEING EXCITED, CAN'T COMMENT.

[sentientcitizen]

If "The Care and Feeding of Your Atomic Bomb" is not eventually written, the only possible sane reaction will be utter despair.

[spuffyduds]

SID AND ANDY?!?!?!?


HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

[oliviacirce]

OMG you gave my story THE BEST TITLE EVER.

/skimming dw on my phone in the Columbia housing office. Bye now!

[skywaterblue]

Rose: Who cares? It's already awesome.

Rose, never have I loved you more.

Some not-evil Immortal: Hi! I'd like that thing from Cairo back. Also, I knew Methos right after he was done with the Horsemen.
Duncan: So how'd that go for you?
Methos: Sometimes I wish you cared a hell of a lot less.

LOLOL.

Is the Doctor/Master one kinda Shalka-y? That sounds AWESOME.

[aria]

I want to write all the Methos fic! It is just taking a long time, because I have SO MUCH TO SAY.

[aria]

AHAHA THAT IS A BIT WORRYING. :D

[aria]

AHAHAHA. I really need to write this one, don't I.

[aria]

There are bits of it already! Sexy, bomb-diffusing bits.

[aria]

I have no idea if this response is "Hee, it's those kids from The Promise!" or "Hee, those kids from The Promise have, for no good reason, the same names as the kids in Toy Story!" or, y'know, something else entirely! But I still approve of the enthusiasm of this comment. :D

[aria]

OMG I didn't TELL you the title? Man. It was the FIRST THING I HAD. Because obviously if you're going to write epic stories about Methos, you need to quote bits of Ozymandias.

[aria]

I think I love Rose best when I can ship her with ladies? IDK. :D

Methos always wishes that Duncan cared a hell of a lot less.

The Doctor/Master one is ... Shalka-y, yes, only the Master is not a robot and the Doctor is NUTS. But it is strangely similar nonetheless.

[carrieann]

Okay, when you said Amelia, I totally you meant Amelia Pond. Obviously something is wrong with my head.

For all the fandoms that I know: YAY for all of them! They look awesome. Even that last one, that has me soooo confused, because to me Watcher = BtVS, but I'm pretty sure that's not the fusion you're doing. But it still looks interesting!

[yasaman]

Oh wow, I want the Highlander and due South fics like burning. They all look awesome, but those especially have me making grabby hands.

[genarti]

Eeeheeheehee.

[bakatulip]

<3 <3 <3 I LOVE WORRYING YOU. ALSO I MISS YOU

[aria]

*cracks up* If I got little Amelia Pond to bake me cookies for writing Doctor/Master fic, it would make my life. But no, it's my actual friend Amelia who is bribing me with baked goods. :D

YAY! Also, um, the last one is ... a Highlander fusion where Fraser and Kowalski are both Immortals. Look, it works surprisingly well in my head. XD

[aria]

Yay! You are even likely to get those first, because those are the ones I am more actively working on.

[aria]

:DDD

[gehayi]

Well, it is METHOS. The man has been around for more than five thousand years. By definition he has a lot to say.

Also, it sounds like at least one fic features Kronos as well, and Kronos is fairly verbal at the best of times. At least he was when I wrote him.

[yarngeek]

OOh. I like Look Upon My Works. And the fusion.

[luzula]

Out of all these, I want the Dark Is Rising one the most! I will totally beta-read for you, if you want. Or cheerlead, or whatever.

Neutral Zone is coming in second, I think. *wants*

[oliviacirce]

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DIDN'T TELL ME THE TITLE. But oh my god, it is SO PERFECT.

...and now, of course, I am wondering about Methos and Shelley.

[aria]

Yay!

The fusion, should I ever really write it, will be SO RIDICULOUS AND FUN.

[aria]

sdkdfskj oh my god I would love it if you'd beta-read it! It is not quite done enough for that, but in about ten pages it hopefully will be, so I will very likely take you up on that. <3

[luzula]

Yay, please do! Also, I may possibly have memorized "The Lady of Shalott" in my early teens. Ahem. I wouldn't be surprised if I could still recite it.