fannish navel-gazing

[aria]

It is thunderstorming today! Quite reasonably, my desktop weather widget had a picture of lightning. I still stared at it in puzzlement for a good ten seconds, thinking, "It's ... cloudy with a chance of Quickenings?" /o\

And then, sitting down to work on my Highlander fic, I was quietly plot-outlining in my head when I was brought up short by sudden guilt. And it wasn't obligation guilt: I know enough about my writing process that I can prioritize a due South AU and a Babylon 5 rewatch and an Avatar season and &c &c as much as I want, but if I sit down and a Doctor Who fic comes out instead, that's what I'm damn well writing. So trying to write Highlander fic wasn't making me think, "Why am I doing this when I should be doing x instead?" but rather "Why am I writing Highlander fic at all?" and this brought me up short: I was feeling self-indulgent, and that apparently made me feel guilty. Uh, what? Fic-writing is for funsies and not profit, after all; it is by definition wonderfully self-indulgent. Apparently, the problem is that it's Highlander.

And that's interesting, because -- okay, with Highlander, the premise is ridiculous, the acting is uneven, and I wouldn't bother actively recommending it to anyone because there are probably better things you can spend your time watching. But the degree I've been apologetic about liking it, even in my own head, borders on the absurd. I am not apologetic about my other 90s shows, and there is nothing inherently more ridiculous about "Four-hundred-year-old man runs around saving the day with a sword and occasionally beheading people" than there is in "Mountie goes to Chicago, befriends a cop, and has deep, meaningful discussions with his deaf half-wolf and dead father" nor indeed in "Lord of the Rings ... IN SPACE!" (Also, I am fairly sure that Adrian Paul could run acting circles around Michael O'Hare, which is a slightly alarming thought.) I mean, for god's sake, I am unapologetic about liking Seven's run on Doctor Who, Fifi and cheetah!Master and everything. I am happily shameless! So what the hell am I doing going mumblety highlander yeah whatever?

But I think I have an answer, in two parts. Part the first is about the fandom itself, and that is: I have no idea what the fandom is! I have been spoiled rotten by the due South fandom; because it is still alive and active, I know what the discourse is. It also remembers its history. I know who was running what when, I know where the fic archives are, I know what discussions we're having, and I know I like it. Babylon 5 fandom isn't quite so giving, if only because it seems to be a meta-based fandom for the most part, but there's still an active rewatch, it's very easy to track down all the old meta, and the ficcers are apparently the sort of people who happily embrace the AO3 -- so, again, I know the discourse (or at least can pick and choose it, because I'm fannishly more interested in Centauri-Narn relations than Human-Minbari ones, if you know what I mean). But with Highlander ... man, I don't even know. I've found the fic! That was easy. I've found the vids! That was surprisingly easy too. But maybe the fossilized record of the active discourse is hiding away on lists, or defunct message boards, or in the far depths of people's LJs from the early 2000s, back in the Land Of No Tags, or somewhere I cannot even imagine.

The point is that, since I can't find it, I don't know what the show is even about, in a fannish context, except those bits I can glean from fic. With due South, I know it is absurd, I am allowed to think it is absurd, I'm allowed to feel a bit squodgy about the way the show treats Francesca and the women at large, and I am allowed to love the whole thing unconditionally anyway. With Babylon 5, I am allowed to hide from the first season acting and the fifth season plot, I am allowed to roll my eyes as much as necessary at JMS' occasional complete overwroughtness, and I am allowed to fall to my knees in worship of the storytelling and sob my eyes out whenever I feel like it, although especially at the end. With Highlander, I gather that I am allowed to shake my tiny fists of rage at sixth season and ignore as many movies as I like, but ... am I supposed to like Duncan at all? Am I allowed to yell along with the theme song and roll around on the floor laughing like a hyena whenever there's a Quickening? How irreverent am I supposed to be, and is it a party faux pas to get tipsy and start rambling about how a modern AU where the Four Horsemen are the dorkiest most dysfunctional gang ever would be great?

And I ask all this not because I need a given fandom's permission to read a show a certain way, but because I like not working in a vacuum. And because I am, my brain can't decide whether it's supposed to apologize for this show or if we've got it covered, it's taken as written that it's rubbish, and we're ready to move on now and just throw a good party. So that's the first thing.

The second thing is probably related to the first, but is way less complicated. And it is: id show. Oh my god Highlander is my stupid id show. I have a crazy immortals kink about a galaxy wide, and to my surprise, the show actually considers a lot of the stuff I want considered when it's stories about crazy immortals. How does someone keep functioning when everyone around them dies? How does a person manage to change with the times when the times insist on becoming so different? What about what happens when a person reaches immortality when they're too young, and end up stuck that way? How do they keep the ordinary people around them from noticing that they never age, and what do they do if the ordinary people do notice? But of course none of this is addressed in a subtly-written, well-acted, beautifully-shot way. It's done in a way where you blink and end up missing it because of all the ridiculous pyrotechnics.

So, okay, you sexualize said pyrotechnics as much as possible, add in some accidental mind-melding, lots of dark backstory, and some nosy, snarky academics -- and, hello, you have Aria's perfect fic. I suspect the issue is in the packaging and execution; like, it is everything I have ever wanted, but it's ... not that well-done. Comes a Horseman/Revelation 6:8 comes close to my Platonic ideal of the show, and in fact comes a hell of a lot closer than most of the fic, but -- but. I can't actually tell anyone else that they should see any of it, because their kinks are not necessarily my kinks, and they could easily be watching a different story.

Obviously the solution is to just write my ridiculous Highlander id-fic, not least because enthusiastic self-indulgence usually produces the best fannish writing. But I still feel weird and apologetic about it. OWN IT, SELF, OWN IT LIKE ALL THE OTHER AWESOME RUBBISH YOU LOVE.

Comments

[aria]

In that case, we should talk about Highlander FOREVER. Because it sounds like you're looking for the same show I am, and that is excellent.

Re: missing out on interesting conversations and debates, I ... secretly want a resurgence that does those conversations now, because, at least where I'm standing, it looks like fandom sensibilities have changed a lot in the last decade, and I want to have the conversations that would happen now. (For instance, as you say, the ugly misogyny re: Cassandra. Her inability to heal and move on from what was done to her is a tragedy, not a character flaw or a cheap attempt to blind Duncan to how awesome Methos is now. dfl;dsfkjfd I have made good friends with the back button a few times that way.)

But yes, I just want lots of interesting exploration of how people cope or don't with Immortality, and more on Watcher-Immortal relations, and speculation on whether there is ever going to be only one or if it's just a wonderfully tidy excuse for violence and power-mongering, &c &c. There are so many interesting things to do!

[yasaman]

YYY, I want a resurgence of those conversations, because fandom has changed so much. I feel like a lot of old school HL fic seemed unable to be fair to Methos and compassionate to Cassandra at the same time. There are a couple of fics that do it, but the vast majority just turn her into this caricature of an enraged, scorned woman. And, history nerd here, I think it goes into deeper questions of how you can or can't judge the morals of times and cultures that are far removed from our own. I feel like the show too often backed away from really engaging with the question of whether Duncan had a right to judge people for past actions that may have been moral/acceptable then but not now.

And the Game! I have thoughts about the Game, mostly that it is total bullshit and that it is just an easy-to-fixate-on purpose for immortals who go a little crazy with wondering what the point of their immortality is to latch on to. Also it doesn't make sense because there's not necessarily a mechanism to stop new pre-immortals from being born.

So many interesting questions! So many interesting characters! Why is this fandom mostly dormant? ;_____;

[aria]

I feel like a lot of old school HL fic seemed unable to be fair to Methos and compassionate to Cassandra at the same time.

I think it's just hard, because -- okay, we've already spent two seasons loving Methos; it's kind of awesome in the abstract that he used to be evil, but having a living witness to it who is very understandably still fixated on it makes it a lot more real and a lot less cool. I actually love that, but that doesn't make it easy, especially because we don't have the long view on it. The most telling thing Methos says, possibly ever, is when, in the church in Revelation 6:8, Duncan asks why Methos lied about who he was, and Methos responds, "I have been many things, MacLeod." And the point is that we don't even really get to see them, but he's had five thousand years to be everything imaginable, and that's basically ... you can't wrap your head around it, so I think the reflexive impulse is to automatically take Methos' side, because you like him. It is complex and awful! *flaily hands of joy*

Also it doesn't make sense because there's not necessarily a mechanism to stop new pre-immortals from being born.

This bothers me endlessly! Actually, that ... is one of the things I am addressing in the fic I am writing right now. :D

[yasaman]

I actually love that, but that doesn't make it easy, especially because we don't have the long view on it. The most telling thing Methos says, possibly ever, is when, in the church in Revelation 6:8, Duncan asks why Methos lied about who he was, and Methos responds, "I have been many things, MacLeod."

Yes, exactly! I think one of the most fascinating things about Methos, and one of the things that has allowed him to live so long relatively sanely, is that he has been so many different things, and yet he's been Methos all along too. I take his side a lot of the time, at least against Duncan's more blatant judginess, but Horseman Methos wasn't a good guy to know. I think Methos is mostly a good guy now, and probably has been for a while (...for certain values of good guy), but I can live with the fact that he hasn't always been. 5000 years is a whole hell of a lot of past.

I so wish the show had given Methos and Cassandra some sort of closure, because I really really wanted to see it. It was a bold thing for the show to do, to introduce a truly loathsome, disturbing past for a loved character, and to have someone there saying "this is what you did to me, and I am still fucked up because of it." Cassandra would be so much more interesting as a character if she was allowed to be something other than angry and fucked up, and sadly there's a real minority of fic that explores that.

Actually, that ... is one of the things I am addressing in the fic I am writing right now. :D

\o/ I'm always interested in people's explanations for pre-immortals!

[franzeska]

I've always thought that was one of those "Oops, I guess this isn't movie canon anymore" things. In the original movie, I thought it was strongly implied that the whole game/gathering thing actually did have some kind of internal logic and a finite end. In the series, it just seems like a lot of BS. (Hence all those fics where it turns out the prize is Methos or something else totally ridiculous happens.)

[aria]

Yeeeeah, the Game suddenly has a lot less internal logic when you have to postpone it indefinitely. I still think it's a bit silly, though, because even if you only have five new Immortals per generation, all the beheadings start to seem more like a population control than something with an end goal.

[franzeska]

Yeah, but doesn't the show kind of give you that feeling in general?

Duncan: Blah blah blah, meaning of life!
Methos: I like beer.


I could easily buy that all that game/gathering/prize stuff is just folklore crap and there is no goal and no meaning to any of it.

[skywaterblue]

TBH, this is what I've kind of assumed.

By the way, in one of the shitty movies the prize is that Duncan stops being Immortal and has a baby. No. Really.

[franzeska]

Ha ha ha. That makes sense based on the first movie, but based on the series: WTF WTF WTF!

[skywaterblue]

I think the part I liked the best is where it's in a post-apocalyptic wasteland future and they're being chased by zombies, so Methos decides he just wants to give up and runs off as decoy. I think he says something like, 'It was always you, McCloud!'

So bad. I was so drunk.

[aria]

I figure one of the understood rules of being fannish about the Highlander series is "The movies are optional. SO OPTIONAL. OH GOD MAKE THEM STOP." Although I still have a stupid fuzzy fondness for the original because it is so unrelentingly ridiculous. Oh, and also because people actually get arrested for beheading each other.

[skywaterblue]

They keep talking about remaking the first one. :S

[aria]

I know! I am ... weirdly psyched about that. XD

[yasaman]

Oh yes, true enough. The movie also had the weird breathing under water, be one with the deer thing which made no sense. I'm frankly glad they ditched a lot of the movie's mythology, besides the very obvious fact that Connor isn't the One.