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they are not the hell your whales!
I doubt I am finished watching Star Trek -- seriously, can one ever be done watching Star Trek? that would be like watching all of Doctor Who -- but I've watched enough of TOS proper for now, so I want on to Those Three Movies That Are A Bit Decent. And I think I kind of love the movies! They have all the absurdity of the show, and effects that are halfway decent while still being bad enough to be totally endearing, and Uhura actually does shit, and I never actively want to punch the screen for being awful to women! It's like magical delicious sparkles and even more Kirk/Spock than usual, which I didn't know was possible.
Wrath of Khan
Things I learned from this movie: this is where the Kobyashi Maru test comes from! I am actually a bit sad I knew about it ahead of time, because man, unspoiled that opening scene would have been decently dramatic. As is, I just kind of cracked up at the notion that Kirk cheated in this universe too, but instead of a hearing they gave him a commendation for original thinking, oh my god. Now I really want to know how Kirk and Spock met in TOS!verse. Like, I assume Kirk joined Starfleet sooner than AOS!Kirk did, and was rising through the ranks in a reasonable and non-shortcut way on some random ship while Spock was off doing same on the Enterprise under Pike, and then they ended up serving together? Maybe I shouldn't even be wondering; there's probably some spin-off book that answers all my origin questions. But the beauty of novels is that they are optional canon, so I can make up whatever I want.
Back to the film actually at hand, I sort of went into sheer Kirk/Spock meltdown on this one. Like, Spock actually looks at Kirk and utters the line, "I have been and always shall be yours." Mind you, the 'yours' was modifying 'friend' from the previous sentence, specifically "You are my friend," but I don't care, he still said that line. Spock, you keep using the word friend, and I do think it means what you think it means, but ... I guess I just pretend that every time he says it, he's qualifying it as t'hy'la in his head. (Shut up, I said the books are optional canon. This bit is freaking canon.)
And I was genuinely surprised at how good the movie was! I mean, I think in part I was comparing it to the later bits of TOS I saw, where I started sort of bashing my head against all the problematic stuff, but really? Khan didn't do any more scenery-chewing than Nero did, and his frothing wasn't any worse than Nero's "SPOOOOCK!"KHAAAAAAAN!! More than that, though, um ... I probably just have Stockholm about all Kirks ever now, but man, Spock's death scene? Shatner fucking sold it.
I mean, not that I was surprised. I've seen clips of the scene; I know about the glass. But ... that really was the pure distilled essence of slash right there. And my heart cracked a little when Kirk slid down to sit next to Spock's body and said "No" in this small lost voice, and then it cracked a little more when Kirk couldn't even get through the eulogy. I am so glad I already knew that Spock wasn't permanently dead, because I probably would've cried or something embarrassing like that.
Search for Spock
The fans are very probably right when they say that the even-numbered films are better, but I liked this one okay! I mean, I mostly liked it because ... it was Leonard Nimoy directing a fix-it fic, oh my god. A fix-it fic with improbable kidfic of multiple kinds in the middle! And dramatic lava planets! And Christopher Lloyd the Klingon! So ... pretty awesome.
I loved the whole TEAM dynamic in this one, that these people all know even a faint, insane chance of getting Spock back is worth the damn court martial, and that, however much they clearly love Starfleet, they're having a hell of a good time going off on their own. I have a huge weakness for friendship and loyalty in the face of adversity, so my heart pretty much melted.
This was also the movie of Uhura being UNBEARABLY AWESOME. I think she might have had the least screen time in this one, but she used it beautifully. She threatens a duty officer into tripping over his own feet and hiding in a CLOSET, be still my heart. And McCoy goes "I'm glad you're on our side," and I pretty much die of glee. How does Uhura handle being made of that much concentrated win, that is what I want to know.
And of course, just as in Wrath of Khan, Khan dies like half an hour before the movie ends so that Kirk and Spock can have a ~moment~, so does Christopher Lloyd!Klingon die about half an hour before the movie ends, so that the whole goddamn crew but especially Kirk can have another ~moment~ with Spock. I think the last half-hour of this movie marks the beginning of me actualfax shipping Spock/McCoy, because McCoy had actual feelings! and then they don't go away next movie! It's pretty great. But mostly, yay! They got Spock back! And Kirk did a lot of soulful gazing, but Spock didn't remember why this strange man was acting like friend really did mean t'hy'la, and it was like a worse version of the glass! But that's okay, because then they had relationship therapy and WHALES:
Voyage Home
And now I understand why when people talk about Trek movies, they're like "Oh yeah, and the one with WHALES," and they say it with pure laughing fondness. It's now one of my favourite stupid movies ever! WHALES.
I'll be honest, I was predisposed to love it because [a] I grew up in the San Francisco Bay Area, so anything in which the Golden Gate Bridge features prominently is going to make me misty-eyed with fondness -- have I mentioned that I freaking love that Starfleet Academy is in San Francisco, unless it is on the Marin side? I can never tell! I assume it is in SF, though -- and [b] because I grew up in the Bay Area, I grew up knowing All About Humpback Whales. I don't know if Gillian Taylor's lecture on whales was supposed to be for the lowest common denominator or if people genuinely didn't know this stuff -- I mean, she even left out fairly salient points, like humpback migration patterns, which, if people didn't know, would make a whale relocation from San Francisco to Alaska sound a bit dodgy -- but, man, I know the whale stuff backwards. And, um, I love humpback whales. Unfortunately I love them enough that I was able to tell the difference between stock footage and animatronics extremely easily, but still, WHALES.
I very much appreciated Gillian herself, too! Unlike Dr. Marcus from Wrath of Khan, Gillian was professional without being defensive. (Dr. Marcus goes into my Stella Box, a category folder I really wish I didn't have. The Stella Box is named for Stella Kowalski of due South, and contains women -- mostly blondes, for whatever weird reason -- who never smile, are dedicated to their work in such a way that they come off as awful people, and who are basically unfortunate ex-girlfriends the protagonist needs to contend with. I don't mind if the women in the Stella Box exist as full people, but since we only see them interacting with some man they probably really don't want to interact with, we only see them being a bit awful. Luckily more recent media has fewer women in the Stella Box.) In any case, Gillian! I liked that she was smart, that no one either in or out of story derided her for being a professional, that she had healthy skepticism but also took to time travel and aliens and a new century like, heh, a fish to water, and that she was there for the whales, with Kirk as kind of a bonus except, nah, she'd really rather keep studying than hang out with Kirk, thanks. <3
Also, my god, I LOVED the sheer awesome crack of the crew trying to navigate 1980s San Francisco. I did a lot of covering-my-eyes when Kirk was actually insane enough to send the black woman and the Russian off together, because that would certainly end well! But then they went reasonable places with Chekov, and the hospital rescue was pretty great, so A++. Similarly, I loved it when Kirk and Spock got on a bus with their new money; I thought, "Oh, come on, like the SF bus system would take Kirk's $20" and sure enough! ten seconds later, they're getting back off the bus in confusion, wondering what this "exact change" is. A++ again!
Hands down, though, absolutely my favourite part of the movie was when Spock tries to take Kirk up on his observation that people in this century swear every other word, and came out with that beautiful line, "They are not the hell your whales!" THEY ARE NOT THE HELL YOUR WHALES. I started actually screaming with laughter, so much so that when I went out a few minutes later to get a glass of water, one of my housemates wanted to know what was so funny. I merely said, "I'm watching a Star Trek film!" but that's mostly because, out of context, it is probably nonsensical to say things like "THEY ARE NOT THE HELL YOUR WHALES."
And at the end! When Kirk gets his captaincy back! And stays in the room for Sarek and Spock's BEST CONVERSATION EVER! And then the crew all fly out together in a shuttle and discover that they have Enterprise 2.0! (Or, well, 1701-A, technically.) I grinned so hugely that it hurt my face. CREW. <333
Anyway! That was great, I am starry-eyed and giggly, and I want to write ALL THE FIC. But I want to write all the fic for about half a dozen fandoms right now, so who knows what'll actually happen.
Wrath of Khan
Things I learned from this movie: this is where the Kobyashi Maru test comes from! I am actually a bit sad I knew about it ahead of time, because man, unspoiled that opening scene would have been decently dramatic. As is, I just kind of cracked up at the notion that Kirk cheated in this universe too, but instead of a hearing they gave him a commendation for original thinking, oh my god. Now I really want to know how Kirk and Spock met in TOS!verse. Like, I assume Kirk joined Starfleet sooner than AOS!Kirk did, and was rising through the ranks in a reasonable and non-shortcut way on some random ship while Spock was off doing same on the Enterprise under Pike, and then they ended up serving together? Maybe I shouldn't even be wondering; there's probably some spin-off book that answers all my origin questions. But the beauty of novels is that they are optional canon, so I can make up whatever I want.
Back to the film actually at hand, I sort of went into sheer Kirk/Spock meltdown on this one. Like, Spock actually looks at Kirk and utters the line, "I have been and always shall be yours." Mind you, the 'yours' was modifying 'friend' from the previous sentence, specifically "You are my friend," but I don't care, he still said that line. Spock, you keep using the word friend, and I do think it means what you think it means, but ... I guess I just pretend that every time he says it, he's qualifying it as t'hy'la in his head. (Shut up, I said the books are optional canon. This bit is freaking canon.)
And I was genuinely surprised at how good the movie was! I mean, I think in part I was comparing it to the later bits of TOS I saw, where I started sort of bashing my head against all the problematic stuff, but really? Khan didn't do any more scenery-chewing than Nero did, and his frothing wasn't any worse than Nero's "SPOOOOCK!"
I mean, not that I was surprised. I've seen clips of the scene; I know about the glass. But ... that really was the pure distilled essence of slash right there. And my heart cracked a little when Kirk slid down to sit next to Spock's body and said "No" in this small lost voice, and then it cracked a little more when Kirk couldn't even get through the eulogy. I am so glad I already knew that Spock wasn't permanently dead, because I probably would've cried or something embarrassing like that.
Search for Spock
The fans are very probably right when they say that the even-numbered films are better, but I liked this one okay! I mean, I mostly liked it because ... it was Leonard Nimoy directing a fix-it fic, oh my god. A fix-it fic with improbable kidfic of multiple kinds in the middle! And dramatic lava planets! And Christopher Lloyd the Klingon! So ... pretty awesome.
I loved the whole TEAM dynamic in this one, that these people all know even a faint, insane chance of getting Spock back is worth the damn court martial, and that, however much they clearly love Starfleet, they're having a hell of a good time going off on their own. I have a huge weakness for friendship and loyalty in the face of adversity, so my heart pretty much melted.
This was also the movie of Uhura being UNBEARABLY AWESOME. I think she might have had the least screen time in this one, but she used it beautifully. She threatens a duty officer into tripping over his own feet and hiding in a CLOSET, be still my heart. And McCoy goes "I'm glad you're on our side," and I pretty much die of glee. How does Uhura handle being made of that much concentrated win, that is what I want to know.
And of course, just as in Wrath of Khan, Khan dies like half an hour before the movie ends so that Kirk and Spock can have a ~moment~, so does Christopher Lloyd!Klingon die about half an hour before the movie ends, so that the whole goddamn crew but especially Kirk can have another ~moment~ with Spock. I think the last half-hour of this movie marks the beginning of me actualfax shipping Spock/McCoy, because McCoy had actual feelings! and then they don't go away next movie! It's pretty great. But mostly, yay! They got Spock back! And Kirk did a lot of soulful gazing, but Spock didn't remember why this strange man was acting like friend really did mean t'hy'la, and it was like a worse version of the glass! But that's okay, because then they had relationship therapy and WHALES:
Voyage Home
And now I understand why when people talk about Trek movies, they're like "Oh yeah, and the one with WHALES," and they say it with pure laughing fondness. It's now one of my favourite stupid movies ever! WHALES.
I'll be honest, I was predisposed to love it because [a] I grew up in the San Francisco Bay Area, so anything in which the Golden Gate Bridge features prominently is going to make me misty-eyed with fondness -- have I mentioned that I freaking love that Starfleet Academy is in San Francisco, unless it is on the Marin side? I can never tell! I assume it is in SF, though -- and [b] because I grew up in the Bay Area, I grew up knowing All About Humpback Whales. I don't know if Gillian Taylor's lecture on whales was supposed to be for the lowest common denominator or if people genuinely didn't know this stuff -- I mean, she even left out fairly salient points, like humpback migration patterns, which, if people didn't know, would make a whale relocation from San Francisco to Alaska sound a bit dodgy -- but, man, I know the whale stuff backwards. And, um, I love humpback whales. Unfortunately I love them enough that I was able to tell the difference between stock footage and animatronics extremely easily, but still, WHALES.
I very much appreciated Gillian herself, too! Unlike Dr. Marcus from Wrath of Khan, Gillian was professional without being defensive. (Dr. Marcus goes into my Stella Box, a category folder I really wish I didn't have. The Stella Box is named for Stella Kowalski of due South, and contains women -- mostly blondes, for whatever weird reason -- who never smile, are dedicated to their work in such a way that they come off as awful people, and who are basically unfortunate ex-girlfriends the protagonist needs to contend with. I don't mind if the women in the Stella Box exist as full people, but since we only see them interacting with some man they probably really don't want to interact with, we only see them being a bit awful. Luckily more recent media has fewer women in the Stella Box.) In any case, Gillian! I liked that she was smart, that no one either in or out of story derided her for being a professional, that she had healthy skepticism but also took to time travel and aliens and a new century like, heh, a fish to water, and that she was there for the whales, with Kirk as kind of a bonus except, nah, she'd really rather keep studying than hang out with Kirk, thanks. <3
Also, my god, I LOVED the sheer awesome crack of the crew trying to navigate 1980s San Francisco. I did a lot of covering-my-eyes when Kirk was actually insane enough to send the black woman and the Russian off together, because that would certainly end well! But then they went reasonable places with Chekov, and the hospital rescue was pretty great, so A++. Similarly, I loved it when Kirk and Spock got on a bus with their new money; I thought, "Oh, come on, like the SF bus system would take Kirk's $20" and sure enough! ten seconds later, they're getting back off the bus in confusion, wondering what this "exact change" is. A++ again!
Hands down, though, absolutely my favourite part of the movie was when Spock tries to take Kirk up on his observation that people in this century swear every other word, and came out with that beautiful line, "They are not the hell your whales!" THEY ARE NOT THE HELL YOUR WHALES. I started actually screaming with laughter, so much so that when I went out a few minutes later to get a glass of water, one of my housemates wanted to know what was so funny. I merely said, "I'm watching a Star Trek film!" but that's mostly because, out of context, it is probably nonsensical to say things like "THEY ARE NOT THE HELL YOUR WHALES."
And at the end! When Kirk gets his captaincy back! And stays in the room for Sarek and Spock's BEST CONVERSATION EVER! And then the crew all fly out together in a shuttle and discover that they have Enterprise 2.0! (Or, well, 1701-A, technically.) I grinned so hugely that it hurt my face. CREW. <333
Anyway! That was great, I am starry-eyed and giggly, and I want to write ALL THE FIC. But I want to write all the fic for about half a dozen fandoms right now, so who knows what'll actually happen.
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having sex with themsinging 'Row, Row, Row Your Boat.' NAWWW. And having seen that film, you can fully appreciate the genius of Shatner on the Mount.no subject
But ... I am not sure I care if it is terrible! Because the OT3 go camping in Yosemite, omg. I may have to watch that. <3
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This comment brought to you by yesterday's insomnia.
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I haven't seen Star Trek II and III in a long while, but remember loving them both. Though not as much as IV.
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II and III are good fun too, but really, nothing is as good as Voyage Home.
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Number six has Baby Vulcan Kim Catrell in it! And Kirk being emo about dead David Marcus! And Shakespeare in Klingon!
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SHAKESPEARE IN KLINGON, oh my GOD. That sounds amazing.
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Millions of miles--thousands, thousands of miles--
Oh, Star Trek IV. I literally grew up watching that movie, of all the Star Trek movies; I could probably still recite most of it from memory if you gave me a lead-in. I think of it all the time now that I live here.
Also I thought of it all the time when I lived in Japan and felt weird and out-of-place. Ah ha ha, oh Star Trek, I ♥ you forever.
Speaking of awkward kidfic, what about the whole "Saavik has Spock's baby" plotline that they didn't film? Thank jebus.
Re: Millions of miles--thousands, thousands of miles--
I am so glad they dropped the Saavik has Spock's baby plotline. Ew. NO MOAR KIDFIC.
THE ONE WITH THE WHALES.
AND THEN SPOCK DOWNS THE PUNK ON THE BUS. I HATE YOU! AND IIIII BERATE YOU!
WHEN I MOVED TO SAN FRANCISCO FOR THAT YEAR, I SWEAR IT WAS BECAUSE I IMPRINTED ON THIS MOVIE 'CAUSE I WATCHED IT A ZILLION TIMES AS A CHILD. SO MUCH THAT MY VHS HAD THAT WARPY BIT FROM REWINDING TOO MUCH.
I LOVE STAR TREK VI SO MUCH THAT THIS WHOLE COMMENT HAS TO BE IN CAPSLOCK.
Also, I really recommend Star Trek Six: The Undiscovered Country. It's really great and has a ton of hilarious stuff in it while still being dramatic. It's underrated and my other favorite.
Re: THE ONE WITH THE WHALES.
It's cracking me up how many people are talking about how when they moved to San Francisco they couldn't stop thinking about that movie, though! It is a hilarious and foreign concept to me, because basically I was watching that movie and going, "Aw, the cast decided to visit ME! That's SO GREAT."
Hm. If I get in the mood for more Trek films, I will definitely check that one out!
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I see everyone has already raved about VI. Same director as II and almost as awesome.
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THE HELL
YOUR WHALES
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Oh my god Scott THEY ARE NOT THE HELL YOUR WHALES. THEY ARE NOT THE HELL YOUR WHALES.
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I am joyful that this line exists, mostly.
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From the establishing shots in IX, I got the sense that Starfleet Academy is somewhere in the general vicinity of Crissy Field. Which makes sense; if I were going to set down a large university somewhere in SF, the old warehouses and former barracks around there is one of the first places I would choose.
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fsdl;dskjgf you're right! The angle of the bridge is too acute for them to be all the way down to the marina, and those barracks could be converted and updated really easily! That is in fact astonishingly sensemaking.
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It always makes me happy when the locations of a movie set in SF make sense. Car chases, especially, tend to have nonsensical geography.
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It's been a long, long time since I've watched TOS in general. WELL. The movies. I watched a bunch of TOS after I saw the reboot movie, and had much, much, much more appreciation for it all~ I need to go back to watching the series itself at some point, but the movies are fun to watch ^^ And god, the slash.