aria: ([avengers] natasha)
valinor spider party ([personal profile] aria) wrote2014-04-15 04:46 pm

light 'em up

Happy Passover! Gondor is hosting a sedar tonight for our D&D group, though as far as I know we won't be holding it in character.

Meanwhile it's spring. The weather this week, as I understand it, is going to get miserably cold again, but at the moment we have the sort of blustering spring rain that makes me crave summer thunderstorms. I was walking home with my jeans and shoes soaking wet and I didn't even care, because summer is coming! At the cafe we're running through all our cold brew before noon and the poor ice machine can't keep up with demand, but all the customers are so happy, which is incredibly pleasant.

Mostly what I've been doing this week is having awful wrecking Winter Soldier feelings. I am not going to deny these feelings! (After Thor came out I spent this precious week going "Huh, what an interesting flash-in-the-pan investment I'm having! I'm sure it'll end soon," and this is the SAME LEVEL OF INTENSITY, by which I mean, lots.) I've read a post-film fic where a line of Natasha's made me tear up, and I've been making vids in my head and tearing up more because I just love Sam Wilson so much, and I really definitely cannot hold all these feels, so instead I'm reading Black Widow comics and feeling cranky about Hydra and trying to think of an action plot to hang my OT4 story on. (I'm also not going to make it 100k. I just. Nope. I'm hoping wistfully that it'll be under 50k instead, hahaha you fool it's never under 50k when you have this many feelings.)

I'm also. Hm. I'm having some complicated Bucky feelings? They stem from a pattern that I've seen emerging from the fic I've read so far -- not any fic specifically, really, just as a trend -- in which Bucky's time as the Winter Soldier is ... either overplayed or underplayed? And I realize that's a really hard balance to strike! But, okay, on the one hand, I'm entirely in favor of Bucky actually dealing with his Winter Soldier trauma and building up from it, and becoming basically functional and maybe even okay, and having a lot of that work have to do with relearning/remembering his history as Bucky and drawing from it. On the other, I've been seeing so much about getting Bucky back to that, like, Bucky Is Real, The Winter Soldier Is A Cruel Overwrite We Must Erase, and that's, ahhh, I don't like it. (The one time I actually recoiled from the screen, though, was in an otherwise-excellent story that suddenly posited that the healing Bucky could do in a month was as good as he was going to get ever, and nope nope it doesn't work like that, either.) Anyway, I think it can be done well, and I think people on the whole are doing it well, but I keep running into things that upset me in ways I'm not expecting! It's totally doable, but not all of these feelings are fun ones.

And I'm genuinely excited for new SHIELD /o\ I still think they haven't decided where they want to come down on the morality scale, but at least CAtWS made the question actually interesting, and I'm pretty psyched for the version of the show where these losers are running around like headless chickens trying to figure out who the hell their allies are. WE SHALL SEE.
travels_in_time: (Default)

[personal profile] travels_in_time 2014-04-16 12:12 am (UTC)(link)
Your last paragraph, SO MUCH.
sophia_sol: drawing of Combeferre, smiling and holding up a finger like he's about to explain something (Default)

[personal profile] sophia_sol 2014-04-16 01:30 am (UTC)(link)
Your second last paragraph about Bucky-Winter Soldier stuff is one big YES THIS. (I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS TOOOOO)
starlady: The Avengers regroup in Midtown (Natasha, Steve, Clint, Thor) (more legendary and more desperate)

[personal profile] starlady 2014-04-16 04:50 am (UTC)(link)
Yeah, agreed about Bucky. I have a fic in progress that actually is a protest against that whole attitude...note to self finish it and then find a beta reader.
thewrongkindofpc: ryan ross in dark glasses, in a car with a cat on his shoulder (Default)

[personal profile] thewrongkindofpc 2014-04-16 03:28 pm (UTC)(link)
So much yes to those Bucky characterization thoughts. I'm enjoying a lot of the things I'm finding, but there are days when the only Bucky fic I want to read is stuff that's recced by someone whose taste I trust, to cut down on that discomfort.

Super excited to hear that you're still all excited, though, especially that you're all excited in an ot4 direction, because hello, hell yes. :)
yasaman: picture of jasmine flower, with text yasaman (Default)

[personal profile] yasaman 2014-04-17 02:06 am (UTC)(link)
I agree with your complicated Bucky feelings! I'm feeling very picky about Bucky characterizations, and you're right that it's difficult to get the right balance when it comes to his time as the Winter Soldier. I think part of it is that it's just so difficult to get one's head around what a somewhat realistic psychological reaction to what's been done to Bucky would be like, and it's so tempting to go to one extreme or the other with that. Like, either Bucky's mind is Broken Forever, or Bucky's mind is Fixed by the Power of Steve's Magical Cock or whatever.